What About Now
by marcasite
Summary: he was on a precarious cliff and could tumble over so easily


Lori-I owe you bunnies and socks. How about bunny socks? Thanks for your beta!

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_Well-- we'll come back. We can travel anywhere, come and see you, yeah?_

_We can't…We-- we fell through a crack in time…We can't ever return._

He stayed inside the TARDIS, waiting for Rose to say her good-byes to Mickey. He told himself that they needed privacy; a few moments to end what had been a friendship, a relationship that they've had for years. But he knew the real reason he couldn't stay, couldn't really say good-bye.

He cared too much. For Mickey, for Rose. Despite everything he had done to belittle Mickey in the past, he knew it was just his own defense, his own way of protecting himself and now it was too late. Mickey had made a decision that would change the rest of his (and Rose's) life forever.

"I need to see my mum. Can I go home?" Rose stood before him, twisting the edge of her coat through her fingers.

_I_.

He nodded at her quickly, "Yeah, sure." He started to step towards her to tell her (what?) that it would work out, that Mickey would be fine but she side stepped him and started to walk away.

"K, I'm…I'm just going to change." She called back to him, (avoiding) as she made her way to her room.

He sighed as he moved the TARDIS into the vortex and wondered if it really was too late.

_It sort of balances out, 'cause this world lost its Ricky. But there's me. And there's work to be done with all those cybermen still out there._

Rose clung to her mother, her eyes bright with unshed tears. After her initial outburst of concern, Jackie remained uncharacteristically quiet while the Doctor explained what had happened to Mickey. He carefully omitted any mention of Pete Tyler or the fate of that other world's Jackie Tyler. He also didn't tell Jackie about Pete's rejection of Rose when she had told him the truth of who she was. He knew that both Mickey's staying and Pete's rejection were compounding the hurt Rose was going through.

After a time, when he mentioned that he was going to move the TARDIS, Rose finally looked up at him. "You're leaving?"

He saw the distress in her eyes and leaned over to clasp her hand gently. "I'm just going to move the TARDIS; it very well can't stay in the middle of your mum's flat."

"You're coming back?" Rose spoke softly, panic underlined in each word.

"Right back, Rose. And Jackie'll get us tea." He smiled widely at Rose and looked over at Jackie, who nodded.

As the sounds of the TARDIS faded, Rose started to cry softly. She wasn't entirely sure if it was for Mickey or the Doctor.

"There, love. He said he'd be back and I know the Doctor. He wouldn't lie to you." Jackie gathered her daughter close and wondered, not for the first time, if in the end it was all worth it.

When he came back, tapping softly on the door, Jackie left Rose on the couch and opened the door for the Doctor. "What aren't you tellin' me, Doctor? What _really _happened to my Rose this time?"

He raised his hands in a defensive gesture, "I swear to you Jackie, I told you everything. Mickey staying behind devastated her. She just needs time."

"And what about you? Are you going to leave her now?"

His eyes narrowed, "No, not unless she wants to stay. I told Rose I wouldn't leave her behind."

Jackie crossed her arms, "And why can't I believe that?"

He stared at her, with nothing to say. He _had _left her behind, left her on a space station with Mickey when he went through the mirror to save Reinette. In the end, the men in Rose's life kept leaving her.

He ran his fingers carelessly through his hair as he stared at Jackie. "You have to trust me, Jackie. She does. We'll figure this out."

"_What about me? What if I need you?"_

"_Yeah, but Rose, you don't. It's just you and him, isn't it?"_

They stayed for days in Jackie's flat. The Doctor refused to sleep anywhere but in the TARDIS. Rose insisted on staying with him in the TARDIS, and the doctor knew she was afraid he wouldn't come back. Jackie pitched a fit at her daughter and Rose conceded to staying with her mum. He made it a point to return to the flat before Rose woke each morning, playing his role. Rose seemed to drift through the days in a daze and he wondered (he tried to avoid it) if he should go, if she would ever really want to leave again. She showed no eagerness to leave at all.

He was desperate to leave, could feel the pull of the vortex and was starting to despair that Rose would ever want to leave. She had (finally) gone to Mickey's flat and sorted through his belongings, packed up a few of his possessions and brought it back with her.

"No sense in it staying there, getting dusty." She had smiled at the doctor. "Who knows, maybe someday he'll want it."

He had only nodded, silently, knowing he was on a precarious cliff and could tumble over so easily.

She had finished unpacking Mickey's books and placed them alongside hers. Standing, she had turned to him, "I'm ready."

_All those years just sitting there... imagining what we'd do one day...we never saw this, did we?_

He found her in the planetarium, sitting on a grassy hill.

"Hey." He said quietly as he sat down, mimicking her pose. She didn't answer, but continued to gaze up at the stars. He didn't say anything, just waited.

"He loved it in here. Said that sometimes he could pretend that he was back home and stargazing." Rose's eyes never left the sky. "Said he could even make out the constellations in here."

"Well," The word was drawled out as he turned to gaze at the stars. "I suppose you could. In here, you could pretty much see anything you wanted to."

Rose's voice took on a wistful note, "I miss 'im. He was always just there, y'know and I just wish I could tell him how sorry I was, I am."

She finally looked up at the Doctor. "I've know him my whole life. We grew up together and our relationship, just, evolved. I guess. But you could always count on him. He was always there for Mum and me. If I had treated him better, maybe been a little less selfish, maybe he woulda stayed."

He stared back at her, "Do you really think that he would've? You heard him; he has family, his grandmother there."

She looked at him, forcing a smile, "It was me, us, yeah? It was never going to be about him. It's stupid, really, that I'm still so mad at him for leaving when I never appreciated him staying here with us. I'm trying to blame him for leaving me when it's my own fault. And now he's gone."

"Doing something good, Rose, something right."

Rose closed her eyes, "You knew, didn't you? All along you knew the kind of man he could be. All that Ricky talk, all that pushing and prodding, and you knew that he was more than just my boyfriend, more than just Ricky the Idiot."

"I think he was braver than us."

Tears started to flow down Rose's cheeks, "Yeah, I know."

_We had something a long time ago, but... not anymore._

_It's just you and him, isn't it?_


End file.
